A long time ago I heard a piece of gossip about me.
Someone said “Irina’s so fake, she buys all her friendships with compliments and flattery but it’s all fake.”
And it broke me.
It literally broke my brain. I spiraled for months about how well, I MUST be a monster! I must do that! What is wrong with me! Why do I do that!
And even though I’ve come to understand not to take to heart the words of someone who dislikes me and quite frankly doesn’t even know me that well, for years when someone would compliment my relationships and friendships a tiny part of me would cringe.
“Op, there I go again being fake!”
And then something snapped inside of me.
You idiot, I said to myself. That is how you build friendships. First you notice the beauty in them, you speak it out loud, you exchange kindness, then you build. If you were nothing but fake flattery, you couldn’t sustain that. In a couple of months that shtick would wear off. Friendship is deeper than that.
And your friends are not some airhead idiots that have all been fooled by your tricks. They’re smart women. Bad bitches. And if they love you, they chose that.
Reflecting on this part of myself, at 36 tender years on this earth, I can’t help but laugh. Friendships that transcend time and space, lifelong memories, sisters of my soul, clients turned to true friends again and again…. What that person saw in me was their inability to sustain friendships. I reflected a part of them that was lacking. It was sad, empty envy, not truth.
And my heart swells with love and compassion for people that have to hurt others to survive. I send them love. Healing. And the wisdom to do better.
Cause lord knows I’m not perfect. None of us are.
Happy Saturday, friends.
I love you.
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