An ode to light-givers

This week I threw my back out bad, then the next day it got WAY worse. So much worse, that I could. not. walk.

Imagine NEVER having having so much as a broken bone, then suddenly you CANNOT dress yourself. It was the kind of pain that kept me still in my bed as I waited for my grown ass parents to drive across town and LIFT ME THE EFF UP. The kind of pain that strikes in your lower back, shoots horrible flashes of pain into your head and then travels into your heels, making your knees buckle and breath shake.

I cried and cried as my momma rubbed icey-hot on my back and whispered “it’s ok, honey…. stop crying, baby…its oh…kay.” She dressed me. SHE DRESSED ME, Y’ALL. LIKE A GODDAM BABY.

And then put me in the car, drove me to the beach because no way in hell was I going to miss our family trip up to Seaside. I cried again in the car, told them I felt powerless, and lost and sad. We talked and talked and laughed and then I cried some more.

They said wonderful things to me, that they were proud of me and loved me fiercely, that I was a good mother, that they were not worried about me, because I’m strong as hell. They all walked slowly alongside me on the promenade, never leaving me out of sight, cracking jokes, teasing and before I knew it I found myself on the side of the uncharacteristically warm ocean, feet digging in the cool wet sand, having a beautiful day.

Today my grumpy dad, came over, scooped me up and took me to a chiropractor he found that could fit me in. My niece waited with me, my mother smothered me with kisses, Dani embraced me carefully and said she loved me very much and my inbox was full of kind, sweet friends checking up on me; my girlfriend with four kids texted me “Don’t laugh but if you need anything I WILL GRAB EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE KIDS and come your way!”; another called me and demanded to know every detail of my doctor visit, like a worried momma; tons and tons of people messaged me on instagram and facebook with advice, words of encouragement and support.

I always say, my favorite humans to photograph are people that feel like LIGHT. People like the ones that took time from their busy lives to check in on me, people like my parents who give and give and give. Relentless light givers. I could cry at how good it made me feel. The shortest text, the smallest gesture. IT MATTERED.

This world would make you hard and cruel and hateful, if it could. But in the face of darkness, these people are light.

I would LOVE to give back to you. I am not good at MANY things, but I’m a damn good photographer and I would love to capture your light and make you see how important and valuable you are. How we need more people like you who are joy and happiness, eternal optimists and beautiful souls.

So I’m sending this out in the universe. My ode to the light givers.

I’m here when you’re ready and I love you for restoring my faith in humanity.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. Stay light.